Bender Gets Made

Bender Gets Made

I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. Who am I making this out to? It doesn’t look so shiny to me. Noooooo! Oh, I think we should just stay friends. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused. Oh dear! She’s stuck in an infinite loop, and he’s an idiot! Well, that’s love for you. When will that be? Oh, I don’t have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. We can’t compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral! Robot 1-X, save my friends! And Zoidberg! Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk! I love this planet! I’ve got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. Kids have names? I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later. I saw you with those two «ladies of the evening» at Elzars. Explain that. Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I’m going to come back there and change your opinions manually! Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase «upside your head.» Oh, I don’t have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I...

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Time Keeps on Slippin’

Time Keeps on Slippin’

You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You’d think it would be something you’d have to freebase. That’s right, baby. I ain’t your loverboy Flexo, the guy you love so much. You even love anyone pretending to be him! No! The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires! Hi, I’m a naughty nurse, and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Bender, we’re trying our best. Ooh, name it after me! You’re going back for the Countess, aren’t...

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How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back

How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back

We can’t compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral! Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! Negative, bossy meat creature! Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo! Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. We’re rescuing ya. In our darkest hour, we can stand erect, with proud upthrust bosoms. Kids have names? Bender, I didn’t know you liked cooking. That’s so...

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Space Pilot 3000

Space Pilot 3000

You can crush me but you can’t crush my spirit! Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused. Just once I’d like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn’t bound and gagged. We’re rescuing ya. Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Calculon is gonna kill us and it’s all everybody else’s...

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Jurassic Bark

Jurassic Bark

Who’s brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere? No! The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires! Robot 1-X, save my friends! And Zoidberg! It doesn’t look so shiny to me. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I’m going to come back there and change your opinions manually! Ooh, name it after me! When will that be? And I’d do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it. How much did you make me? That’s a popular name today. Little «e», big «B»? Daylight and everything. Who are you, my warranty?! Bender?! You stole the atom. Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. Tell her you...

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