Time Keeps on Slippin’

Time Keeps on Slippin’

You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You’d think it would be something you’d have to freebase. That’s right, baby. I ain’t your loverboy Flexo, the guy you love so much. You even love anyone pretending to be him! No! The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires! Hi, I’m a naughty nurse, and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Bender, we’re trying our best. Ooh, name it after me! You’re going back for the Countess, aren’t...

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How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back

How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back

We can’t compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral! Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! Negative, bossy meat creature! Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo! Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. We’re rescuing ya. In our darkest hour, we can stand erect, with proud upthrust bosoms. Kids have names? Bender, I didn’t know you liked cooking. That’s so...

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The 30% Iron Chef

The 30% Iron Chef

Kif might! Why did you bring us here? My fellow Earthicans, as I have explained in my book ‘Earth in the Balance», and the much more popular »Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth’, we need to defend our planet against pollution. Also dark wizards. Stop it, stop it. It’s fine. I will ‘destroy’ you! This is the worst part. The calm before the battle. You can see how I lived before I met you. Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood! Fry, we have a crate to deliver. In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells. I love this planet! I’ve got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. If rubbin’ frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey I don’t wanna be right. Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. I’ve been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Tell her she looks thin. I saw you with those two «ladies of the evening» at Elzars. Explain that. You’ve killed me! Oh, you’ve killed me! Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it? I found what I need. And it’s not friends, it’s things. There’s no part of that sentence I didn’t like! Morbo can’t understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that’s shaped like a man wearing a hat. You, minion. Lift my arm. AFTER HIM! Interesting. No, wait, the other thing: tedious. Is that a cooking show? Stop it, stop it. It’s fine. I will ‘destroy’ you! Ok, we’ll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we’ll go ride the bumper cars. Say what? You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal! So I really am important? How I feel when I’m drunk is correct? I was all of history’s great robot actors – Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny! You wouldn’t. Ask anyway! Morbo can’t understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that’s shaped like a man wearing a hat. Hey, tell me something. You’ve got all this money. How come you always dress like you’re doing your laundry? Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo! Are you crazy? I can’t swallow that. Throw her in the brig. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Bender, this is Fry’s...

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